Last updated on July 2nd, 2021 at 04:20 pm
Cry it out sleep training is a topic that comes up quickly for new parents. With frequent night wakings being a common issue, it’s inevitable. Read on to find out how I formed my opinion on it, and how to cope without it.
Before having my son, I of course knew that I’d face some sleepless nights. But altogether I was totally underprepared for just how bad it would be. Sleep was a battle from the start and not helped by a CMPA allergy. {Which I’ve talked about in another post.}
The 4 month sleep regression and sleep training…
Until we came to it, I’d never actually heard of the 4 month sleep regression. I didn’t know what a sleep regression was, so it was quite a shock when it hit us like a tidal wave of tears. I was pacing up and down, rocking and bouncing for literally hours on end just to get him to sleep.
I couldn’t believe that things could be so bad, and so I hit the search engines. When you google or bing “What is the 4 month sleep regression????” It’s inevitable that you’ll soon come across the term “Sleep Training” which was also something I’d never heard of. (Oh to be a naïve first time mum).
Instantly I didn’t like the sound of it. A bit of reading and research was serving me scenarios of putting my baby in his crib (which he hated, he preferred to be held) and walking away while he cried. All the older ladies who’d attended my baby shower had said something along the lines of this being the way to deal with a crying baby, and that it was ok. I felt that it was not. Any mum who has a baby who wont sleep in their crib or cot knows the intense cry that they give out. Every fibre in a woman’s body wants to respond to that cry, its human instinct. To ignore it? Surely that couldn’t be right…
“When does the 4 month sleep regression end?” Parents cry it out…
I don’t know if it was my fragile, exhausted mental state or the relentless repetition of this concept splattered across the pages of baby sleep advice sites, but at some point I started to feel like maybe I was wrong. The 4 month sleep regression truly was gruelling. At 6 months, not much had changed. Every day felt like a marathon of nap fights and night fights, and I was even losing weight from the stress.
At a low moment I caved, got out my credit card and payed for an online sleep training course. I won’t name it for legal reasons but it promised to have my son sleeping soundly in his crib in three days. It told me I was doing the right thing, to stay strong, and to be consistent. So for three days I let my son cry his little heart out in his crib while I patted and shushed him and then left the room (and sobbed), before going back in again. By the fourth day, nothing had changed. The longevity of his crying had not improved, and I actually started to notice that in between naps he was not smiling as much, not laughing as much, and had developed strong separation anxiety. It really seemed like his whole personality was being effected.
Should I let my baby cry? Why it didn’t work for us
He was utterly miserable, I was utterly miserable. I tweaked my search terms and started to read more about the effects of crying on babies. Concerned, I read articles about cortisol and stress levels. In contrast to what the companies say, I read that they’re not really learning to “self soothe”. They are simply giving up trying to call you. Which I found to be very sad. I wanted my son to know that I am here when he needs me. I wanted him to fall asleep happy, not with his cheeks wet with tears.
Sleep training companies make many claims. They claim to be a no-cry method when they are. They claim to be a fix-all solution when they’re not. Sleep methods claim to be safe, when they actually don’t know the long-term effects of leaving a child to cry. It could have a negative impact on attachment, but the companies never talk about that.
What’s a gentle alternative to sleep training?
If you want to know what I did, once I firmly decided that I was against letting my child cry? You can read more about my experience in my other article; Sleep Training Exposed!
Or, you could download my alternative method to sleep training guide – The (Not) Sleep Training E-Guide.
But what I want to say with this article is this. If you’ve landed on this page, because you, like me, are an exhausted mama. At the end of your tether with a baby who won’t sleep, and you’re confused about the conflicting information out there. My advice to you is – if it feels wrong, it is wrong. Trust your mothering instincts and don’t be convinced that the only way to get your child to sleep is to let them cry. It’s simply not true. My son is 18 months old now, and he falls asleep independently, even after having a strong association with feeding to sleep. We got there through an alternative route. You can too.
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also enjoy Sleep Training Exposed!