There are a huge number of families co parenting in the UK. But the difficult thing about it, is that co parenting doesn’t come with a manual. Relationships are hard enough as it is! But when kids are in the mix, all sorts of problems and questions can come up that we’re unsure of how to deal with. Therefore, it’s important to know where you can turn for helpful, professional advice.
So What is Co Parenting?
The definition of co parenting is when two people who are not in a relationship share parental responsibility of their child.
It can come in many different forms, as every family is unique. Some co parents prefer to split custody 50/50, while some will perhaps split it between weekdays and weekends. It could also be split between term times and school holidays – whatever works for the family in question.
What Co Parenting Problems Do Many UK Parents Face?
Often, it’s not the actual parenting part that causes issues, rather it’s the relationship between the two parents that gets tricky. Some parents can split completely amicably, which is extremely admirable. However, a lot don’t.
Old feelings, fall outs, and resentments about current situations can cause conflict that negatively affects co parenting. And it will often affect the kids too, as hard as you might try to hide it.
To cover the basics, define the labels and gain clarity on what co-parenting is and what each co parents rights are it’s worth using a legal site. This website, JMW.co.uk is a good source of professional advice.
Besides All the Legal Stuff, it’s Important to Talk About Feelings and Wellbeing
As mentioned before, it’s the emotions that can cause the upsets when co parenting. The person who you ‘Co Parent’ with now, was perhaps someone you once loved and had a life with. Maybe it was them who ended the relationship and you didn’t want to. Maybe you called it quits and they haven’t forgiven you.
The introduction of new partners is a major challenge, for all involved. And can disrupt the hard work you may have put in to get your new routine running smoothly.
Family Lives is a great website to turn to for advice on matters of the relationship between you and your ex/ co parent. It has useful articles on divorce, separation and shared parenting. Including articles on how to cope over the holidays and keep your relationships as healthy as possible in tough times.
Top Books on UK Co Parenting
1. Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You
This amazingly helpful book by Amy J.L. Baker taps into the element of difficulty that many parents face. Some of us have toxic or narcissistic exes who deliberately try to make things difficult, which can cause panic in those of us who are genuinely trying our best.
“In Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. You’ll learn to avoid the most common mistakes of co parenting, how to avoid “parental alienation syndrome,” and effective techniques for talking to your children in a way that fosters open and honest response.”
Waterstones.com
2. The Co-Parenting Handbook: Raising Well-Adjusted and Resilient Kids from Little Ones to Young Adults through Divorce or Separation
The title of this one instantly puts you at ease. The handbook that we all have wished for, to guide us step by step through the struggles of separation and parenting. Phew! *collective sigh of relief*
“Chock-full of strategies to help resolve day-to-day issues, create boundaries, and establish guidelines.”
Waterstones.com
3. Co-parenting 101: Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce
Co parenting 101 is more of an opinionated read in the sense that the authors genuinely believe that co parenting is the only way for separated parents to proceed, not an optional. This one is all about the needs and the wellbeing of the child, and expects the parents to step up to their responsibilities.
“Through practical tips combined with expert parental strategies, this book a great resource for divorced parents with children.”
Waterstones.com
Where to Find Support in the Real World
As well as finding information online and in books to aid you in your co parenting struggles, it’s also important to speak to people in your real life about it. Seeking advice from friends and family in tough moments will not only yield more personalised advice, but it will also help your mental health.
It really helps to vent and talk about your situation to an actual person you know and trust. Although information from elsewhere can be really useful, it doesn’t match the feeling of personal interaction.
It might be worth reading this post on The Support System Every Mum Needs. Motherhood is full of complicated and difficult emotions, share them with others who can relate!
If you’re not sure that anyone you know will be able to help, there’s always online forums or Facebook groups. You can instantly connect with thousands of other mums in your situation. One quick post and in minutes you can have messages flooding in from mums who’ve had the exact same experience as you.
Just remember, you don’t have to go through it all alone.
Hopefully, one of the various sources of information listed in this post will be helpful to you! And at the very least, you should be proud of yourself for putting your kids first and giving co parenting your best shot. The benefits will be evident one day, even if they are not yet!
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