I’m extremely pleased to be able to offer my Just-Us-Two.com friends a chance to read an excerpt from this brilliant book, Happy Single Mother by Sarah Thompson. *Some of the links that appear on this page are affilliate links.
Happy Single Mother is a deep-dive into Sarah Thompson’s own experience of divorce and single motherhood.
It’s also a colourful collection of insights from other single parents, child psychologists and experts. It’s a go-to for anyone looking for reassurance on their journey of becoming a single mother. Or for those in need of tips on anything from money, to dating, friendships and more.
If you only read one book this year, perhaps this one should be it!
With a five star rating on Amazon and glowing reviews, this book is clearly making waves in the single parent community. So without further ado, here’s your chance to get a sneak-peak in its pages…
Read the Exclusive Extract from Happy Single Mother:
“It is hard to define us. But however we arrive at our single mother status, the one thing that binds us is that we still seem to have an image problem.
The words single mother have connotations, even today. It’s the single part. It suggests a piece is missing where a double should be. And despite centuries of progress and cultural change and emancipation, it can still be a slur.
A single mother, if we are being honest, is a morally- dubious woman, who is so wretched she has been abandoned or else cannot be tamed.
If she doesn’t work – beyond the unpaid, 365-days-a-year work of motherhood that is – she is a drain on the state. If she does she’s a selfish, loveless woman who neglects her children and probably murders people as well.
It’s why you’ll still read headlines and stories in all our national newspapers about single mothers instead of simply mothers, or even just women.
This is just a few from a quick search for ‘single mother’ on the website of one national newspaper: ‘Single mother slept with schoolboy 200 times’; Single mother allegedly murdered son with bleach; Lords leader accused of affair with single mother.’
And if she happens to enjoy a night out (i.e. not be at home with her fatherless spawn), a single mother can quite reasonably expect to be questioned by safe-guarding authorities, about the welfare of her children.
In November 2021 the television presenter Ulrika Johnson posted images on Instagram of her daughter’s 21st birthday celebrations and told how ‘two strange men’ (her daughter’s friends) were sleeping in her house.
The post prompted her son’s school to call in apparent concern for the safety of her younger child.
Switch the genders in any of these headlines and would the relationship status of the man who committed the crime even feature?
Quite the opposite.
In fact, if a man’s relationship status is mentioned at all it’s rare, but to and the words ‘single father’ in association with anything bad or even mildly questionable is almost impossible.
‘Single father is applauded for the awesome way he handled his daughter’s first period.’ heralded one national newspaper in 2019. ‘Heartwarming photos show single dads and their children.’ and ‘Are single fathers irresistible?’ If this stuff isn’t what the eye roll emoji was made for, I don’t know what is.
There is no getting around it: we single mothers occupy our very own Salem-shaped hole in society’s heart. I can say these things by the way, because I know at some point I have struggled not to think them about myself.
How has this happened? The roots of this prejudice can be traced to the aptly titled Bastard Act of 1576, which gave local parishes the power to punish the mothers of children born out of wedlock with fines and imprisonment.
This law formed the basis of British family law for another four centuries; it was only after the First World War, when all the men were dead, that the law finally conceded that single motherhood wasn’t necessarily a deliberate lifestyle choice. Or a great way to earn a living, and that single mothers should probably receive support from that state rather than being sent to the workhouse.
In 1987 the Family Law Reform Act finally gave children born outside of marriage the same legal rights as children born to married parents, ostensibly removing the ignominy around single parent families.
But until then, the wholesale stigmatisation and punishment of single mothers and their children was literally enshrined in British law.
The recentness of this legal change might help in some way to understand why the stock response to news of your single parent status can still so often be one of pity with a hint of judgement. And why people will assume that your separation is a situation to be sympathised with, and worse, that your children will sufffer.
Or, if no father or co-parent is immediately apparent, that deciding to have a child alone is an act of desperation, a tragic last resort.
It might also explain why there’s still that stale whiff of stigma in the air when we talk about single parents.
Why they write articles about single mothers who receive state benefits and about whether an old woman or a virgin or a woman who used to be a man is entitled to become a mother at all.
Why in culture and entertainment single mums are still so often portrayed as one-dimensional hot messes and why holidays still somehow cost the same for single parents as those travelling with partners – one of many, many hidden taxes that single mothers are forced to pay for their dissent.
And, of course, it might also explain why so many of us feel as though we have made such a monumental balls-up of our lives when we wake up to see our single parent selves staring back at us, old and unlovable, in the mirror.
According to Gingerbread, single parents report almost double the rate of mental health concerns than coupled-up parents do.
The realities behind those figures are not easily simplified but I think we can all agree that low self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness are the big loadstones of most mental health problems.
And yet there are so many genuinely happy aspects of being a single mother that those who judge from a distance may never understand: not only the improved relationships with our chil‐ dren and wider families, but the potential for new experiences and insights that the role opens up.
While parenting on your own is undeniably tough, particularly if financial circumstances are gloomy, society rarely acknowledges the liberating and empowering aspects of being a single mother.
Because if self- care is about setting boundaries and removing toxic people from your life, prioritising your mental health and giving yourself room for personal growth, then becoming a single parent might just be the most radical act of self-care there is.”
Invested?
Want to read more of Happy Single Mother?
Interested in reading more Single Parenting content? Subscribe to Just-Us-Two.com
Pingback: Happy Father's Day to all the Single Mothers - Show Love With Images, Quotes & Treats! - Just-Us-Two.com