Remembering your true self within motherhood can be hard. Let’s take a look at some of the internal conflicts that can cloud the mind of a new mum, and how to blossom when it’s time to step back into the light…
As my son gets further into toddlerhood (he’s approaching 2 now) I’ve noticed a change happening within myself. I think in the early months, I was really just living in survival mode (How do I keep us both alive on 1hrs sleep?!). There was no room in my head for anything other than feeding schedules, nap timings, developmental milestones and the epic battles that came with each nappy change.
Now? There’s still a lot to think about, but he’s walking, talking, feeding himself, taking a solid two hour nap once a day (hallelujah), going to nursery twice a week. I actually have time to think… but is that a blessing, or a curse?
Finding Yourself After Motherhood is a Process
Suddenly I wonder, am I OK? Am I happy, am I well? I’ve pretty much neglected myself in almost every way, over the last two years. Baby came first, the essentials of life came next, and the easiest thing to push to the side was me, and my needs.
Now it’s almost like I’m waking up from a dream, and realising that;
- Many of my relationships have been neglected
- My work life is stale
- My personal interests and priorities have changed so much I’m not entirely sure who I am anymore!
Ask yourself the important questions
When you’re on the precipice of an identity crisis, you’ve got to go back to basics and get real with yourself. I decided to grab a pen and paper, and ask myself some fundamental questions.
Who was I for the last [??] years, and who do I want to be for the next [??] years?
What did I waste my time, money and energy on before, that I don’t want to continue doing so in my future?
What do I want to prioritise while finding myself again after motherhood?
New body, new style
Not everyone changes shape after a baby, but I have to say that I have, and it’s been an adjustment for my mind to accept.
41% of women surveyed reported feeling more negative about their bodies after being pregnant, compared to only 12% who said they feel more positive.
Mentalhealth.org
For me, personally, I think part of the problem was that I was still trying to wear the same things that I did before. I have to accept that those clothes don’t fit right anymore, and they’re projecting an image of my younger self that just doesn’t match who I am now.
Is this the valid excuse for an entire new wardrobe that I’ve always dreamed of…? I think so.
Priority shift
“It’s time to change my life to suit me, not change myself to suit my life.” Make that your new mantra. It’s now mine!
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you do not need to stretch yourself thin trying to be the mummy, employee, partner, daughter and friend that pleases everyone. If you decide that you want to prioritise just the ‘Mummy’ and ‘Partner’ labels, and the ‘Employee’ one falls a bit by the wayside? So be it. Or maybe for you it’s ‘Mummy’ and ‘Employee’, or ‘Daughter’. Whatever you feel is most important, prioritise that – you can’t do it all, and that’s ok.
[Slightly] Older, [abundantly] wiser
Here’s what I’ve learned. For some reason, whenever I come up against change in my life, I meet it with fear. I want to battle it – but why? Why not embrace it?
What I really want to say to myself, and to anyone who’s reading, is this. “You’re smarter, stronger, and more capable than ever before! You birthed a child! You work your butt off every day! You’re doing the hardest job in nature – mothering! That is amazing. All of the changes, all of the challenges – they were a blessing. All of the new love in your life, it’s the best gift. Your new body is a temple. Your new status as ‘Mum’ is higher than any CEO.”
Finding yourself after motherhood isn’t actually an arduous task, it’s a beautiful opportunity. What could be better than rediscovering who you are, and realising that you’re more admirable than you’ve ever been? Congratulations, Mama, you made it.
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