How to be a Successful Single Mother

Becoming a single mum is not exactly something that everyone wants, wishes for, or expects for their life. But, life is rarely straightforward. And no matter what road we took to get there, a lot of us have arrived at the destination ‘single parent land’. But the question is, now that we’re here, do we know how to be a successful single mother? 

It depends, really, on what your definition of “successful” is.

What Does a Successful Single Mother Look Like?

That could mean successfully loving your kids and raising them to be good people, or it could mean still managing to keep your house looking like a show home despite doing everything by yourself. It could mean maintaining a successful career alongside shouldering all the responsibilities of parenting, too…

Being a successful single mum is going to mean different things to different people. 

But there are three main areas that every mother is tasked with maintaining in life. 

Love, Money and Chores. 

Providing the emotional support that your children need to thrive as happy human beings, being able to afford to put food on the table, and making sure all the grown-up stuff is taken care of. 

Now, for the purposes of this post, I’m going to use an analogy of three cups, to represent these three pillars of single motherhood. 

And let’s imagine that the water that goes into the cups, represents your time and energy. 

The more full each cup is, the more successful you’ve been at maintaining that part of your life! 

Are you still with me? Let’s take a look at each ‘cup’ in a bit more detail. Starting with everybody’s favourite…

Chores.

Since you fill a cup from the bottom first, this is where we need to put our most basic priorities. The things that need to get done every day with the first bit of time and energy that you have. 

Every individual family’s lives and situations are unique.

So, you need to first identify what your core needs are when it comes to maintaining your household. 

For me, cleanliness and cooking are my core chores. Those are the things I deal with first, and daily. Prioritised with my first bits of energy. 

And on days when energy is lacking, say, if I’ve been up all night with my sick toddler, those might be the only two jobs on my list I choose to get round to on that day. 

Knowing exactly what I’m going to prioritise and what I’m happy to leave until later, keeps my time-management in check. 

Next, is Money. 

There’s a lot of it out there, you’ve just got to know how to get it. 

And unfortunately, get-rich-quick schemes are rarely any good. One way or another, the more money you want the more time and effort you’ll have to put in, which is what brings us back to our ‘cup’. 

When you’re the responsible parent or guardian of a child, I think we can all agree that the basic standards you need to be meeting are putting food on the table (three times a day, every day) and paying your utilities. 

Sometimes, the world’s political state and economy make even this, hard to do. 

But usually, as a single parent with a child in your home, you should be able to find appropriate help from the government or charities.  

Everyone is different, and there are some out there who value other things in life more than monetary wealth, and so for them, this may be as far as they want to fill their cups. 

But for others, they will want to hit the next goal, which is work, meaning they can earn more and afford a little more comfort for themselves and their child. 

Being a working single mother is not easy, that’s successful in itself! It’s perfectly acceptable if that is about as much as you’ve got time and energy for. 

But if you think you do have a little extra fuel in the tank at the end of every week, you could start making moves to work your way up the ladder of your current job, or start a side-hustle (a sensible one). 

It’s all about finding your limit. Are you feeling too comfortable? Push it!

And last but not least, Love… 

Love comes in many forms. Firstly, when I say love, I mean love for your children. The main priority for a single mum’s emotional energy should go to her kids. 

They need our love, our guidance, our nurturing. They need our time, and they also need us to be the best versions of ourselves. 

So the second person you should give love to, is yourself. By taking time out when needed, calling on friends and family for support, and making sure you have time to be around loved ones. 

If there’s one cup that you never ever let run dry, it’s this one. 

I’ve put Romantic Relationships at the top of the cup in my example picture because for me, it’s not a priority right now. My time and energy are spread so much across other things, that I don’t feel like I’ve got anything left to give to a romantic partner, but that’s just me! 

Others may feel that it’s a higher priority in their life, and if you’d like to read some tips on single mum dating, find some here. 

Why You Can’t Fill All Your Cups to the Top 

Hey listen, I’m not trying to minimise anyone’s potential here by saying you can’t ever fill all three cups to the top at the same time.

Maybe you can, and you can certainly strive to. 

But if you can’t, there’s a very simple reason why. 

Because you’re human. 

We can’t all juggle and spin plates on our heads and swing hoops around our waists and keep everything in the air all at once, 24 hrs a day 7 days a week.

Nobody’s expecting you to be a superhero, a master of all trades and an endless fountain of energy and motivation.

You’re just one, pretty tired person. 

The reality is that keeping all three cups just more than half full is an achievement. That’s already a stellar performance from you. 

As much time as you spend wondering how you can be a better or more successful single mum… what about the things you’ve already done really well? 

Don’t forget those. 

The Answer to How to Be a Successful Single Mother is…

Accepting that you won’t be able to do everything, but making sure that you do enough to meet your standards of what your home, finances and relationships should look like for you to be happy. Balance, clear priorities and having a realistic expectation of your limits is the key to being a ‘successful’ single mum.