The Christmas holidays are a time of joy, celebration and family. But for parents who are separated or divorced, they can also be a source of stress, conflict and disappointment. How can you co-parent effectively during this festive season and make it a positive experience for your children and yourself? Here are some tips to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities of co-parenting during the holidays.
1. Prepare a holiday schedule in advance
One of the most important steps to co-parent effectively during the holidays is to plan ahead and agree on a holiday schedule with your ex-partner. This will help you avoid last-minute disputes, confusion and resentment. You can use a calendar app, a shared document or a co-parenting app to create and communicate your holiday plan.
There are different ways to divide the holiday time between co-parents, depending on your preferences, traditions and circumstances.
Some common options are:
- Alternating years: One parent keeps the children for the entire winter break in odd-numbered years; the other parent gets them for the entire break in even-numbered years. This approach enables each parent, in their designated years, to plan a lengthy trip or schedule activities throughout the break period without needing to worry about giving the other parent equal time. It tends to work best when neither parent has a strong affinity for the season or when the parents live far apart.
- Splitting the break: The children spend the first half of the break with one parent and the second half with the other parent. This approach allows both parents to have some quality time with the children during the holidays, as well as some personal time for themselves. It works well when the parents live relatively close to each other and can easily exchange the children.
- Sharing the days: The children spend specific days or hours of the holidays with each parent, such as Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other parent, or morning with one parent and afternoon with the other parent. This approach ensures that both parents get to celebrate some of the important days with the children, but it also requires more coordination and flexibility from both parties. It may be suitable for parents who have a good relationship and live in the same area.
Whatever option you choose, make sure that it is clear, fair and consistent. Consider your children’s ages, needs and wishes, as well as your own work schedules, travel plans and family traditions. Be prepared to compromise and accommodate each other’s requests, as long as they are reasonable and respectful.
2. Communicate respectfully and effectively
Communication is key to co-parenting effectively during the holidays. You need to communicate with your ex-partner about the holiday schedule, travel arrangements, gift-giving, COVID-19 safety measures and any other issues that may arise. You also need to communicate with your children about what to expect, how they feel and what they want.
When communicating with your ex-partner, try to be polite, clear and cooperative. Use a neutral tone and avoid blaming, criticizing or arguing. Focus on the best interests of your children and not on your personal feelings or opinions. If you have difficulty communicating face-to-face or over the phone, you can use text messages, emails or co-parenting apps to exchange information.
When communicating with your children, try to be honest, supportive and reassuring. Explain to them how the holiday plan will work and why it is fair and beneficial for everyone. Listen to their concerns and questions and answer them calmly and kindly. Encourage them to express their feelings and opinions and respect their preferences. Avoid badmouthing your ex-partner or making your children feel guilty or conflicted about spending time with them.
3. Treat the other parent as you want to be treated
The golden rule of co-parenting during the holidays is to treat the other parent as you want to be treated. This means being respectful, considerate and cooperative towards them, even if you don’t like them or agree with them. Remember that they are still your children’s parent and deserve your recognition and appreciation.
Some ways to show respect and kindness to your co-parent during the holidays are:
- Acknowledge their role: Let them know that you value their contribution to your children’s lives and that you are grateful for their cooperation.
- Be flexible: Be willing to make adjustments or accommodations to the holiday plan if something unexpected or important comes up for them or for your children.
- Be supportive: Support their relationship with your children by encouraging them to call or video chat with them when they are away from them, by sending them photos or updates of their activities, by not interfering with their parenting time or style, and by not competing with them for your children’s attention or affection.
- Be generous: Share some of the holiday traditions or activities with them, such as decorating the tree, baking cookies, watching a movie or attending a religious service. You can also exchange gifts with them or help your children choose or make gifts for them.
- Be civil: Greet them politely when you see them or drop off or pick up your children. Avoid arguing or fighting in front of your children or involving them in your disputes. If you have a new partner, introduce them to your ex-partner and be respectful of their feelings.
4. Prepare your children for the holiday parenting plan
Another important step to co-parent effectively during the holidays is to prepare your children for the holiday parenting plan. This will help them adjust to the changes and cope with the challenges of spending the holidays in two different homes.
Some ways to prepare your children for the holiday parenting plan are:
- Inform them in advance: Tell your children about the holiday schedule as soon as possible and explain to them how it will work and why it is fair and beneficial for everyone. Give them a copy of the calendar or a visual reminder of the plan.
- Involve them in the planning: Ask your children for their input and feedback on the holiday plan and take their preferences and wishes into account. Let them have some say in how they want to spend their time with each parent and what activities they want to do.
- Help them pack: Help your children pack their clothes, toys, books and other essentials for their stay with the other parent. Make sure they have everything they need and want, such as their favorite stuffed animal, blanket or pillow. You can also pack some special items for them, such as a photo album, a letter or a gift.
- Reassure them of your love: Remind your children that you love them and that you will miss them when they are away from you. Tell them that you are happy that they get to spend time with the other parent and that you will be in touch with them regularly. Give them a hug and a kiss when you say goodbye and when you welcome them back.
5. Time with your children is the ultimate gift
The most important thing to remember when co-parenting during the holidays is that time with your children is the ultimate gift. It is not about how much money you spend, how many presents you buy, how many activities you do or how many traditions you follow. It is about how much quality time you spend, how much attention you give, how much fun you have and how much love you show.
Some ways to make the most of your time with your children during the holidays are:
- Be present: Be fully engaged and attentive when you are with your children. Put away your phone, laptop or other distractions and focus on them. Listen to what they have to say, ask them questions, share stories, play games, read books, watch movies or do whatever they enjoy.
- Be creative: Be open to trying new things or creating new traditions with your children. You don’t have to stick to the same old routine or follow what everyone else does. You can invent your own holiday rituals, such as making a special breakfast, going for a walk, volunteering for a cause, writing a gratitude list or making a time capsule.
- Be positive: Be optimistic and cheerful when you are with your children. Avoid complaining, criticizing or comparing. Focus on the good things that are happening and express your gratitude and appreciation. Celebrate the small victories and laugh at the mishaps.
- Be supportive: Be understanding and empathetic when your children are feeling sad, angry or confused about the holiday situation. Validate their emotions and offer comfort and guidance. Help them cope with the transitions and challenges of co-parenting during the holidays.
Co-parenting during the holidays can be difficult, but it can also be rewarding. By following these tips, you can co-parent effectively during this festive season and make it a positive experience for your children and yourself.
Happy holidays!
References:
1: Effective co-parenting during the holidays starts with these five tips … 2: Co-parenting during the holidays: How to keep things fair and peaceful … 3: Co-Parenting Tips For The Holidays – Forbes 4: Co-Parenting: Tips, Creating a Plan, Things to Avoid, and More – Healthline 5: [Tips for Co-parenting During the Holidays – kidcentraltn.com](https://www.kidcentraltn.com/support/full-family-support/tips-for-co-parenting