Should I Give My Child Their Dad’s Surname if We Are Not Married?

Last updated on March 7th, 2024 at 09:17 pm

Choosing a surname for your child can be a difficult decision, especially if you are not married to their dad. You may wonder what the legal requirements and implications are? Or how your choice will affect your child’s identity and relationship with both parents. In this blog post, we will explore some of the factors you may want to consider before making a final decision.

Legal Requirements for a Surname

In the UK, parents have a lot of freedom to choose their child’s surname. There is no law that says you have to give your child their dad’s surname. Or that you have to share the same surname as your child. You can choose any surname you like, as long as it is not offensive or misleading ¹.

However, there are some legal requirements you need to be aware of when registering your child’s birth. If you are married to the child’s dad, you can register the birth together or separately, and choose any surname for your child. If you are not married to the child’s dad, but he has parental responsibility for the child, you can also register the birth together or separately, and choose any surname for your child. Parental responsibility means having the legal rights and responsibilities to make decisions about your child’s welfare, such as education, health and religion².

An unmarried father can get parental responsibility by:

Being named on the birth certificate (from 1 December 2003)
Making a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
Getting a parental responsibility order from a court
Marrying the mother
Adopting the child
Getting a residence order or a child arrangements order from a court ²

If you are not married to the child’s dad, and he does not have parental responsibility for the child, you can only register the birth by yourself. And you can only choose your own surname or a double-barrelled surname (combining both parents’ surnames) for your child. You cannot choose the dad’s surname alone for your child without his consent³.

If you want to change your child’s surname later on, you will need the written consent of everyone who has parental responsibility for the child. Or, a court order. Changing your child’s surname without consent or court order can be seen as a breach of parental responsibility and may have legal consequences⁴.

Implications

Apart from legal aspects, there are other implications that you may want to think about when choosing your child’s name. Some of these include:

Your child’s sense of identity and belonging. Having the same surname as one or both parents may help your child feel connected to their family and heritage. Having a different surname from one or both parents may make your child feel confused or excluded. However, this may also depend on how you explain your choice to your child. And also how you support their relationship with both parents.
Your child’s practical needs. Having the same surname as one or both parents may also make it easier for your child to travel with them. As well as access services such as health care and education, and prove their identity and relationship. Having a different surname from one or both parents may cause some difficulties or complications in these situations, especially if you do not have proof of parental responsibility or consent.
Your personal preferences and values. Choosing a surname for your child may reflect your personal preferences and values, such as tradition, equality, individuality, or compromise. You may want to consider what is important to you and what message you want to send to your child and others about your family.

Conclusion

There is no right or wrong answer when choosing a name for your child. You have to weigh up the pros and cons of each option and decide what is best for you and your child in your circumstances. Whatever you decide, make sure you follow the legal requirements and communicate clearly with everyone involved. Remember that a surname is only one part of your child’s identity and that what matters most is the love and care you give them.