Last updated on August 19th, 2023 at 03:03 pm
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a nightmare. You may feel like you are constantly being manipulated, criticised, and undermined by your ex. They may also use your child as a weapon to hurt you or get what they want. How can you tell if you are co-parenting with a narcissist?
What is a Narcissist?
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive craving for admiration, and a diminished ability to empathize with others’ feelings 2. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others1. Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary. People with the disorder can:
- Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
- Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
- Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
- Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
- Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
- Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
- Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
- Take advantage of others to get what they want.
- Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
- Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
- Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
- Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.
Here are 10 signs of co-parenting with a narcissist to look out for:
- They gaslight you, making you doubt your own reality and sanity.
- They put you down, belittling your parenting skills and achievements.
- They ignore your rules and boundaries, doing whatever they please with your child.
- They use your child as a pawn, trying to turn them against you or make them feel guilty.
- They play the victim, blaming you for everything and refusing to take responsibility.
- They lie and twist the truth, making false accusations or promises.
- They sabotage your communication, interfering with your messages or phone calls.
- They create drama and conflict, picking fights or causing scenes.
- They undermine your authority, disrespecting your decisions or opinions.
- They show no empathy, disregarding your feelings or needs.
If you recognise these signs, you are not alone.
Many people struggle with co-parenting with a narcissist. The good news is that you can protect yourself and your child from their harmful behaviour. In the next section, we will share some tips on how to do that.
What to do now you know you’re co-parenting with a Narcissist
Now that you know some of the signs that you are co-parenting with a narcissist, you may be wondering how to cope with this situation. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be stressful and exhausting, but it doesn’t have to be hopeless. There are some strategies that you can use to make co-parenting easier and more effective. In this section, we will share four tips on co-parenting with a narcissist. These tips will help you to:
- Limit contact with your ex as much as possible
- Be consistent and firm with your rules and boundaries
- Focus on your child’s well-being and happiness
- Seek support from others who understand your situation
Following these tips can protect yourself and your child from your ex’s toxic behaviour. You can also create a more peaceful and positive environment for your family.
Let’s take a look at each tip in more detail.
Tip 1:
Limit contact with your ex as much as possible. Use a third-party app or service to communicate and document everything. Avoid face-to-face interactions or phone calls unless necessary.
Tip 2:
Be consistent and firm with your rules and boundaries. Don’t let your ex manipulate you or change your mind. Stick to the agreed-upon parenting plan and custody schedule. Don’t engage in arguments or drama.
Examples:
- Example 1: Your ex wants to take your child on a vacation during your scheduled time. They promise to make it up to you later and try to guilt-trip you into agreeing. You say no and remind them of the custody agreement. You don’t let them pressure you or change your mind.
- Example 2: Your ex shows up at your child’s school or activity without your permission. They try to talk to you or your child and cause a scene. You ignore them and tell them to leave. You don’t engage in their drama or let them disrupt your child’s routine.
- Example 3: Your ex sends you a barrage of texts or emails, criticizing your parenting, accusing you of something, or demanding something from you. They try to get a reaction from you or start an argument. You don’t reply or only reply with factual information. You don’t let them get under your skin or waste your time.
Tip 3:
Focus on your child’s well-being and happiness. Don’t let your ex’s behaviour affect your relationship with your child. Provide them with love, support, and stability. Don’t badmouth your ex or involve your child in the conflict. Seek professional help if needed.
Tip 4:
Seek support from others who understand your situation. Join a support group, talk to a therapist, or confide in a trusted friend or family member. Don’t isolate yourself or feel ashamed. You are not alone and you are not to blame.
You’re not alone!
Co-parenting with a narcissist can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Following these tips can protect yourself and your child from your ex’s harmful behaviour. You can also create a more peaceful and positive environment for your family. Remember, you are not alone and you are not to blame. You are doing the best you can for yourself and your child. You deserve respect, happiness, and peace of mind.
If you found this post 10 Top Signs of Co-Parenting with a Narcissist helpful…
you might also want to read… 5 Ways That Co-parenting Exes Can Avoid Becoming Toxic Parents or Why Does My Child Act Up After Visiting Dad? You can also find more co-parenting advice, here:
