Last updated on August 23rd, 2021 at 11:10 pm
Changing the baby, the night feed, fussy phases… he says there’s no point in him helping you because “you’re better at it.”
Which camp do you stand in when it comes to ‘traditional roles’ in the family household, Mum?
Maybe you think that the days when mum stayed at home to look after the house and the children were happier times. Maybe you feel that careers empower women, and you will always want the option to work as well as have a family.
The fact is, it doesn’t much matter what you think or feel. The statistics say that in 2019, 75% of mothers were in employment. That’s three in four mums who work – a steady rise from the 66% of mums who were working in the year 2000.
Regardless of opinions, times have changed. The economy has changed. Women have changed. But what I really want to talk about is, have the attitudes changed along with it all?
Question; How do our men see us?
Do they respect us for being the generation of women who show up at the 9am meeting, expertly concealing the fact that we just had a vicious bout of morning sickness in the corner of the car park on our way in? (True story)
Do they hail us for lugging our 37 week pregnant bodies, tired, feet swollen, back aching, up the office stairs every day because we’re committed to starting our maternity leave as late as possible?
Do they shower us with awe and admiration after the baby is born, our bodies having performed miracle after miracle to deliver a precious child into the world… OR… do they walk in after work, look at the mess of bottles, discarded baby grows, sicky muslins, dishes in the sink and hit you with “what do you do all day??”.
How many times have you heard a similar phrase or variation of “the (crying) baby wants you, not me”… “you’re just better at changing them than I am”… Or my personal favourite – when you’ve asked them to take the baby so you have five minutes to yourself to eat/sh*t/shower, and you hear them say “let’s go and see what mumma’s doing!”
NO, LET’S NOT. LET’S LEAVE MUM ALONE FOR TWO SECONDS BEFORE SHE HAS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
Let’s Give Credit Where Credit’s Due
The fact that we go back to work – after having our entire lives turned upside down and our priorities utterly changed now that our heart lives outside of our body in the form of our child – utterly blows my mind.
How can we be so strong and yet so underrated? But of course, our strength May waved at times. HonestMum.com’s brilliant blog post Why Mothers Need To Speak Up and Ask For Help, More talks about this in more detail.
IMHO…
A standing ovation is in order for every mum who walks through the company doors after dropping her baby off at nursery for the first time, and sobbing in the car for 20 minutes afterwards.
But here’s the real zinger. He works, you work… and… who does most of the night wakings? Which one of you carries the most of the mental load? The heavy, heavy, mental load. [Calculating the number of nappies you’ve got left in relation to when you’re next able to swing by the shop, planning baby-friendly meals, timing calpol doses, tracking leaps on your phone, NAPS!, furiously googling “can teething cause explosive green poops???” at 3am]
There’s no doubt about it that the modern woman is kicking ass at every role that’s thrown at her. And it’s worth talking about. But just because we make it look easy, that doesn’t mean it is easy.
DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON SINGLE MUMS.
People should be singing our praises up and down the street. But, on the contrary, as I mentioned in a recent article about small business startups, many mothers have suffered job losses in the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic. On top of that, a petition to extend maternity leave signed by over 270,000 people was panned by the government – putting more women’s jobs at risk as they struggle with childcare.
So when we are not only not rewarded for our hard work, but criticised by our partners, penalised by our employers, and rejected by our government? It’s quite the slap in the face.
What’s the takeaway from all this?
It’s very simple – to all mums reading this, know your worth. Tell your man, your boss, you’re government; this isn’t good enough.
Don’t tell me I’m the expert at changing nappies, don’t tell me that you can’t accommodate my childcare needs. Or that current maternity leave arrangements are “sufficiently generous”. Do better, because we are doing the best job you’ve ever seen at raising the next generation, our future.
Statistics from: https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/familiesandthelabourmarketengland/2019