Last updated on June 30th, 2021 at 09:11 am
Broody?! Already? Every new mum goes through a whole range of complex emotions in the first year after the birth of their baby. Some emotions are ones we’re familiar with – stress, fear, excitement, joy.
But there are also totally new emotions that we didn’t expect, nor could we put a name to if we were asked.
One seriously emotive thing in the first year, is clothes. NOTHING a makes me feel more broody, then packing away baby clothes
It might be hard for someone who’s not a mum to understand, but baby clothes are a signifier of so many aspects of motherhood and the actual physical reality of a child.
We buy tiny baby-grows before they are even born, hold them up to our pregnant bellies and marvel at miracle of the tiny human growing inside us…
…I remember laying out an outfit in the never-used crib and just letting my imagination wonder as I thought about what my baby was going to look like. How it would feel to hold that small body in my arms.
Then when they’re here, we reel at the fast pace with which they grow. Excitedly exclaiming, “well she fit in this two days ago and now it’s a struggle to get the poppers done up!”
We take baby pictures in those first outfits, to frame and look at for years to come. Savouring the memories of those days where our only job was to bond with, feed and care for our babies. Kindling a new love that will last us our whole lives.
So every time an outfit is outgrown and the time comes to pack it away, it’s difficult to say goodbye. I get broody for another…
My beautiful son is approaching his first birthday, and I now have two full boxes of baby clothes that don’t fit him anymore. As I finished packing the last box I realised I was feeling a deep sadness, and as normal as that is, I did have to ask myself if there was a little more to it than just the usual “he’s growing up so fast”.
It hit me then, I realised I didn’t know what I was boxing up these clothes for. From day one when I was buying them, while I was still pregnant, I would say little things to myself like “it’s a little expensive, but if it’s good quality it will last and the second baby can wear it”. Or, “I’ll buy this colour, rather than blue, so if the second baby is a girl she can wear this too.
I didn’t know then, that by the time my son was one it would just be the two of us…
…Not to say that his dad isn’t in his life – he is very much so – but we are not together and that’s different to what I had planned.
I see spirited talk on threads in Mums groups, about what age gap is the best between your first and second baby. They talk happily about their plans for the next one, some of them pregnant again already. Sharing their hopes and thoughts about how the siblings will bond and play together. I can’t join in.
Broody, but no boyfriend…
I look at the box of clothes and I don’t know what to do. Store them? Sell them? Give them away? I don’t know if I will ever have a second baby, or the family unit I once dreamed of. I love the son I’ve got, of course. We are healthy, we are happy, I am grateful. But I have the right to feel a sense of loss at what could have been.
I wonder if there are other single mothers like myself, who feel the same. I know there probably are.
To myself and the other mothers who share these feelings, here’s what I suggest. Let’s allow ourselves the moment of sadness, just a moment, and then put a lid on it.
Put the box away, don’t sell it.
The broody feeling only means that you have more love to give. It’s not a weakness, it’s incredible strength, and a testament to your natural ability as a mother.
Nobody knows what the future holds – that doesn’t mean that the future didn’t hold fantastic things.
Maybe it’s not over yet.
Let’s see.
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