Last updated on March 9th, 2023 at 01:24 pm
Valentine’s Day can be tough on Single Parents. Single-parent dating sometimes means dating with a past that’s caused you trust issues, fear of commitment, fear of rejection, or a whole host of other problems. Or maybe it’s simply just new to you and you’re not sure how single parents ’date’ when they have kids.
Either way, Just-Us-Two.com has teamed up with some ultra-popular experts in all things surrounding relationships and dating. We’ve found four amazing relationship coaches, and asked them all the same question:
“How do I get back into dating as a single parent?”
It’s a question many of us have. And it’s not always one that can be discussed with friends or family, who haven’t had the experience themselves. So, we asked the experts for some advice for single parents on Valentine’s Day, and these are the amazingly helpful answers we received…
Yats Palat, Relationships and Inner Work Leader Says…
“Dating before and during parenthood can be completely different. Before you have children, it’s just you to really worry about. But once you do, your intentions, your priorities, your resources, even your view of yourself change. A lot changes in that time.
But there’s one thing that never changes- that you still deserve love. But to attain it, in a manner and way that supports where you are in your life, you need to evolve how you look for it, as well as the awareness you have when you do.
So BEFORE a parent even jumps back into the dating world I would ask them to sit with these two questions:
1)“Where am I in my life now – emotionally, physically, financially, availability? ” (awareness)
2)“What do I WANT in a relationship and what do I NEED in a relationship?” (Could be separate things)
You see, asking these questions makes you grounded and at least a little more emotionally prepared. It also gets you to better approach what you’re looking for in a partner (important for any stage in dating)
For example :
” I have a young child right now. They need a lot of my time commitment, therefore, I need to look for a partner who’s understanding of that, and doesn’t demand more than I can give.”
(or)
”I have spent the last xx years committed to raising my children and they’re all grown. Now as I step back into dating I also want to travel, to see places etc and I’m not looking to settle down or have children again – which would mean I’m going to look for a partner who possibly has more of that lifestyle, who’s beliefs align with mine, “
Remember, Dating is meant to be fun, playful and serendipitous..
But, relationships are meant also to have standards, communication and respect. Therefore awareness allows us to see where we can realistically get them, and where we can’t.
And the last thing I would say, which I think isn’t talked about much is: don’t abandon yourself.
I’ve seen so many single parents give up on their romantic lives because they now have kids. Therefore, abandoning their own needs of connection. Remember, your children will always feed off of your energy. So ensuring that you still take care of your needs, while being more sure of what you look for in a partner and in a relationship, will make you feel in touch with who you are. It will make you feel more joyful to be around. And not only will it prevent you from building up resentment but it will also improve ALL your relationships. “
Yats Palat has a background in social psychology, developmental psychology, neuroscience, relational associations, attachment theory, reparenting, and more. His passion is to help people live with authenticity. And to bring out the best in them as they find the answers for their healing. Join his other 130K + followers on Instagram, here!
Ready to get started with Single Parent Dating? Find Bumble Profile Examples in this majorly helpful article.
Dr. Lurve, Love and Relationship Coach Says…
How do I get back into dating as a single parent?
“Getting back into dating as a single parent can be hard – even harder than when you used to date because now you have kids to think about.
Bringing someone into your kids’ life is tricky, so make sure you know your intention when you re-enter the dating scene; will you be dating just for a fling, or are you looking for a long-term commitment? This intention will help you define your dating pool and quickly see who’s ready for a relationship and who wants a casual thing.
Don’t expect someone who’s ‘casually dating’ to turn into a committed partner either, respect that the timing isn’t right and find someone who genuinely wants to get involved with you and your family. You need to protect your heart and your family by being choosy, but not so picky that you close the door on every person before you get a chance to know them – be open to love and what it can bring you with the intention in mind, and don’t rush it!
The best kind of love takes time to simmer and bubble away with everything marrying together nicely, rather than one that boils quickly and spills over making a complete mess.”
Dr Lurve is Australia’s leading love and relationship expert talking all things dating, intimacy, relationships, and self-love. Frequently featuring on HIT Radio, Newscorp & Bauer Media. Get more advice on her website www.drlurve.com or follow her on Instagram, here!
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Erica of Your Relationship Reset Says…
“I have met with many clients who struggle with the belief that no one will want to date them if they have children. This is absolutely not true! Some of my clients worry about how to bring up that they have children. And when is the right time to disclose that they have children so that they don’t “scare off” any potential dates.
If you are worried about “scaring off” someone because you have children, is this the type of person that you would want to date anyway? Someone who would be put off by the idea of the children? Of course not!
This person is simply not a match for you, it says nothing about your worth or enoughness. Get into the practice of asking yourself what does the person’s behavior say about them, not you.”
I always encourage single parents to be as honest and upfront from the beginning.
Do not let any fear about someone’s reaction deter you from being honest with them. Acknowledge your fears/worries, and explore how you came up with these beliefs. Discover alternative positive beliefs, and live in alignment with your authentic self.
In order to set the tone for what you’re seeking, a healthy relationship, you need to be straightforward about what being in a relationship with you looks like.
Communicate your needs & expectations around what you’re looking for in a relationship, including how you would want a potential partner to be involved in your children’s lives. Do they want kids? Do they have kids of their own? What is their parenting style?
At the end of the day, presenting anything but the true version of your life will only keep you from creating the type of healthy relationship that you seek.”
Whether you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, coaching with Erica allows you a safe space to identify the patterns in your relationships that you do not want to repeat and understand where those patterns originated. Follow her here for more info.
Starting to feel more positive about getting back into the dating game? Kickstart things with this ‘What to Write in your Single Mum Tinder Bio’ step-by-step guide. Being single parents on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to mean feeling lonely! Get talking to someone and you never know what could happen.
Rebecca from Tame Your Brain says…
“Single parent dating can be daunting. The best piece of advice I can offer is to FEEL and ALLOW all of the negative emotions that come up and be truly willing to experience them. No matter what, the worst thing that can happen is feeling a negative emotion in your body – like rejection, embarrassment, and anxiety. But when you know you can totally handle these sensations and you’re willing to feel them, they won’t become reasons for you not to take action, and fearing them won’t hold you back.
Decide what one step you can take today to get yourself back out there and commit to TAKING IT. Allow the doubt and fear to be there and know that it’s completely normal without letting it prevent you from moving forward.
Your brain is bound to offer you a lot of thoughts creating self-doubt and anxiety – that’s okay, it’s a human brain after all.
But being aware of these thoughts and being willing to challenge them is key. If you can commit to having your own back and believing in your worth and value no matter what happens? Then getting back into dating will feel a hell of a lot less daunting.
If you need help with this, I specialise in helping overthinkers tame their brains and go from anxious and insecure to secure and confident in their relationships. Find me on Instagram @TameYourBrain or www.tameyourbrain.co.uk.”
Rebecca helps chronic overthinkers ditch their insecurities and feel more confident, connected and secure in their relationships. She has over 4,000 followers on her Instagram account which is packed full of helpful tips and tricks for self improvement! Follow her here.
Thanks to advice like this, Valentine’s Day just became a lot easier on single parents…
Each of our four experts nailed it – giving relatable advice that we can all actually apply to our lives. Now, what felt like a scary leap into the abyss, feels more like a dip of the toe into a pool of hope and excitement! Love is attainable for a single parent. Our pasts don’t have to define our future.
If one or all of our chosen relationship coaches really resonated with you, make sure you follow them on their social media! Comment below to tell us what piece of advice for single parents on Valentine’s Day you think will help you the most…
And finally, subscribe to this blog or follow me (author of Just-Us-Two.com) on Instagram for more content on single parenting, single parents valentine’s day, dating, relationships and #mumlife!
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