Last updated on July 4th, 2023 at 09:50 pm
Being a single parent is not easy, especially when your child is about to leave home and start a new chapter in their life at university. You may feel proud, anxious, sad, or excited – or all of the above. Here are 20 tips for a single parent with a child going to university, to help you and your child navigate this transition smoothly and successfully.
What are the main problems that a single parent with a child going to university may face?
You may face some common issues that can affect your well-being and your relationship with your child. Here are some of them and how to deal with them.
1. Separation anxiety.
You may feel sad, lonely, or empty when your child leaves home and starts living on their own. Naturally, you’ll miss their presence, their company, and their daily routines. It’s also inevitable that to some degree you’ll worry about their safety, health, and happiness. To cope with this, you need to acknowledge and express your emotions, find healthy ways to distract yourself, and stay in touch with your child regularly.
2. Financial strain.
You may struggle to pay for your child’s education and living expenses, especially if you are the sole provider or have a low income. You may have to make sacrifices, cut costs, or take on extra work. To cope with this, you need to be realistic about your budget, plan ahead, apply for financial aid, and seek support from others.
3. Communication gap.
You may find it hard to communicate with your child effectively, especially if they are busy, distant, or unresponsive. You may feel left out of their life, or frustrated by their lack of interest or appreciation. To cope with this, you need to respect your child’s privacy and independence, but also show your interest and involvement in their life. You need to use positive and respectful language, listen actively, and avoid arguments or criticism.
4. Role confusion.
You may feel unsure about your role as a parent now that your child is an adult and no longer needs your constant care or supervision. It’s possible, and common, that you may feel lost, confused, or useless. Possibly you’ll have trouble letting go of your control or authority over your child. To cope with this, you need to redefine your role as a parent and adjust your expectations and boundaries accordingly. You need to support your child’s autonomy and individuality but also maintain a strong and healthy bond with them.
5. Identity crisis.
Many single parents feel like they have lost their identity or purpose as a parent now that their child has left home and they have more time and space for themselves. You may feel bored, restless, or aimless. You may not know what to do with your life or who you are apart from being a parent. To cope with this, you need to reconnect with yourself and your interests, explore new possibilities for your career or education, and expand your social circle.
Being a single parent with a child in university is not always easy, but it is actually an opportunity for growth and happiness for both of you. By facing these challenges with courage and optimism, you can make this transition smoother and more successful.
Top 20 Tips
1. Start planning early.
Don’t wait until the last minute to sort out the logistics of your child’s move, such as packing, transportation, accommodation, and finances. Make a checklist of everything that needs to be done and set deadlines for each task.
2. Talk to your child about their expectations and concerns.
Ask them what they are looking forward to and what they are worried about. Listen to their feelings and opinions without judging or lecturing them. Try to understand their perspective and support their choices.
3. Encourage your child to research their chosen university and course.
Help them find out as much as they can about the academic requirements, the campus facilities, the student services, and the social opportunities. This will help them prepare for the challenges and opportunities ahead.
4. Help your child develop essential life skills.
Before they leave, make sure they know how to do basic tasks such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, budgeting, and managing their time. Teach them how to use public transportation, how to shop for groceries, how to pay bills, and how to deal with emergencies.
5. Be realistic about your financial situation.
Discuss with your child how much you can afford to contribute to their education and living expenses, and how much they will need to cover themselves. Help them apply for scholarships, grants, loans, or bursaries if needed. Set up a bank account for them and teach them how to track their spending and save money.
Bonus tip: Hit the local second-hand book shops in their chosen university city. You’re likely to find the expensive books that last year’s students gave away when they moved out of town!
6. Stay in touch but don’t be overbearing.
Agree on a communication plan that works for both of you. Decide how often and by what means you will contact each other, such as phone calls, texts, emails, or video chats. Respect your child’s privacy and independence, but let them know you are always there for them if they need you.
7. Be supportive but not intrusive.
Don’t try to solve all your child’s problems for them or interfere with their decisions. Instead, offer guidance, encouragement, and advice when asked. Trust your child’s ability to handle their own challenges and learn from their own mistakes.
8. Celebrate your child’s achievements and milestones.
Congratulate them on their successes and praise them for their efforts. Send them cards, gifts, or care packages on special occasions such as birthdays, holidays, or exams. Share their joy and excitement when they reach their goals or experience something new.
9. Acknowledge your own emotions and needs.
It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when your child leaves home, such as sadness, loneliness, relief, or guilt. Don’t suppress or deny your feelings, but don’t let them overwhelm you either. Find healthy ways to cope with your emotions, such as talking to someone you trust, writing in a journal, or joining a support group.
10. Take care of yourself physically and mentally.
Don’t neglect your own health and well-being while focusing on your child’s needs. Eat well, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and avoid excessive alcohol or caffeine consumption. Seek professional help if you experience symptoms of depression or anxiety that interfere with your daily functioning.
11. Reconnect with yourself and your interests.
Use this time as an opportunity to rediscover who you are and what you enjoy doing apart from being a parent. Pursue your hobbies, passions, or dreams that you may have put on hold or forgotten about. Learn something new, take up a challenge, or travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
12. Rekindle your relationships with others.
Reach out to your friends, family members, or colleagues who may have been neglected or overlooked while you were busy raising your child alone. Spend quality time with them, catch up on their lives, and have fun together.
13. Make new friends and expand your social circle.
Join a club, volunteer for a cause, sign up for a class, or attend an event that interests you. Meet people who share your values, goals, or hobbies, and who can enrich your life with new perspectives, experiences, or opportunities.
14. Explore new possibilities for your career or education.
If you are unhappy with your current job or want to advance in your field, look for ways to improve your skills, qualifications, or prospects. Consider going back to school, taking an online course, or pursuing a degree or certification that can open new doors for you.
15. Embrace change and be flexible.
Don’t resist or fear the changes that come with your child leaving home, but accept them as part of life and growth. Be open to new ideas,
Experiences, and opportunities that may come your way. Adapt to the changing circumstances and needs of yourself and your child, and be willing to compromise or adjust when necessary.
16. Maintain a positive attitude and outlook.
Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future, but focus on the present and the positive aspects of your situation. Be grateful for what you have and what you have achieved, and be optimistic about what lies ahead. Look for the silver lining in every challenge, and the lesson in every mistake.
17. Seek support and help when needed.
Don’t try to do everything on your own or isolate yourself from others. Reach out to your friends, family, or other single parents who can offer you emotional, practical, or financial support. Ask for help when you are overwhelmed or struggling with something, and accept help when it is offered to you.
18. Respect your child’s autonomy and individuality.
Don’t impose your expectations, beliefs, or values on your child, but respect their choices and preferences. It’s never useful to compare your child to yourself or others, so make sure to appreciate their unique strengths and talents. Aim not to criticize or judge your child harshly, but to give them constructive feedback and suggestions.
19. Foster a strong and healthy bond with your child.
Don’t let the physical distance or the busy schedules affect your relationship with your child. Show them that you love them unconditionally and that you are proud of them. Express your interest and involvement in their life and their well-being. Share your thoughts and feelings with them and listen to theirs.
20. Enjoy this new stage of your life and your parenting journey.
Don’t see your child leaving home as an end, but as a beginning of a new phase of your life and your relationship with them. Celebrate the achievements and milestones that you and your child have reached together, and look forward to the ones that are yet to come. Enjoy the freedom and opportunities that this transition brings you, and make the most of them.
Those are our 20 Tips for a Single Parent With a Child Going to University! We hope they help. For more single parenting advice, subscribe to Just-Us-Two.com, a leading UK blog for single parents.