Truths of a Single Mum Going Back To Work Full Time

Last updated on July 15th, 2023 at 06:50 pm

One of our readers shared her story as a single mum going back to work, but fearing that a full time role may be too much. Got a story to share? Leave a comment at the end, and someone from just-us-two.com will get back to you!

Halloween is the one day of the year when we’re supposed to enjoy being scared. But I chose that day in 2022 to take my fear to a new level.

As I walked through an office that had splatters of fake blood and cobwebs on the walls (a much quirkier company than what I was used to), I headed to a small room where I was about to sit down for a job interview – for a full time role.

Am I making the right choice?… The question turned over and over in my mind the night before while I couldn’t sleep. Am I ready? Can I cope? 

With a toddler at home, and being a single parent, I’d just about found my feet with my part time job. Going back to work at all was a huge adjustment for me, about a year earlier. 

Having the energy, balancing my time, keeping my child, my boss, and myself happy was a constant juggling act. But my part time job was only three days a week – and it was fairly low-responsibility stuff. To tell you the truth, I was comfortable there. 

So why leave? 

Well, you can’t really achieve greatness in your comfort zone. I had several reasons I wanted to leave. 

I was working below my potential, and the company didn’t particularly value its employees. But the main reason was; money. 

For my 20 hours a week I was being paid just about enough to cover my bases each month. The last few days before payday were always a struggle. Saving was impossible. 

At the beginning of October, I’d flirted with the idea of getting a new job. I dipped my toe in the water by just making my CV available on Indeed. I didn’t think anyone would read it! But within days, a company contacted me inviting me for an interview – for a full-time job that offered over double what I was earning at that time. 

Over. Double. 

No more penny pinching, no more worries. Bills paid, on time. Not having to take basic things out of my shopping basket before I reached the supermarket till. 

It was thoughts of this that made me feel like it was time to step out of my comfort zone. 

Not to mention the fact that the world was turning to sh*t and every day in the news it was a new headline about financial crises, rising prices, food or heat? 

Terrifying. If someone was putting money on the table for me, I felt like I had to accept it. 

So signing on the dotted line of my employment contract, I sold my soul back to full time work.

Almost immediately, I felt like I was also selling away my time with my son. 

Guilt is a very heavy burden on every mother. But the way we get through it is by reminding ourselves that no matter what we do – it’s wrong. Quite a liberating fact really. 

We work? We’re wrong. We can’t pay for our kids? We’re wrong. Having kids at all? Wrong. Not having them? Wrong.

Everything a woman does, is judged. 

So I didn’t dwell too much on my guilt about leaving him for 40 hours a week. Ultimately, this choice was going to put clothes on his back and pay for a better future. I can’t fault myself for that – nobody else is going to do it, so I have to step up. 

But I knew I was going to miss him. And I do. Every week day. 

On the morning of my first shift, I woke up at 4.30 am. Stomach churning, I panicked for a moment that I’d caught yet another stomach bug from my son and his germ-ridden childcare friends. But it was nerves. 

Three years out of the game, and my life had changed a lot. Could I still survive in the working world like I did in my childless 20’s? Doubtful. Had my motherly hormones and months of sleep deprivation addled my brain, permanently? Likely. 

I didn’t want to be that mother in the office who only talks about her children. And I didn’t want my chronic brain fog (that never left me since those post-partum weeks) to make me a burden on my colleagues. If I do a job, I want to do it well. 

My fear was that I would be a half-arsed mum and a half-arsed employee at the same time, because I’ve spread myself too thin (considering that in my spare time I also had to be a dad, a chef, a maid, a teacher, provider, protector and endless more titles). 

When I’m feeling doubtful about myself, I like to look for stories of other people who’ve done what I’m scared of, and succeeded. 

But where do mums look for inspiration, from single mums who work? There are some celebrities that do it, but their lifestyles are unrealistic for the majority of us. 

They’re the exception, not the rule. Getting paid an amount most of us can only dream of, for work that honestly doesn’t look like work. It’s certainly not 40 hours a week in an office and then coming home to scrub your own toilets. They can afford maids and nannies and holidays and luxuries, so what’s the point in reading their stories, for someone like me? 

Where were the stories of the normal single mums who work mid level jobs? Good roles, but not quite high-flying. More than minimum wage and with responsibilities and stress, but not enough for a luxury lifestyle. 

That’s when I started to realise, we as single mums, get fed a certain story about ourselves. That we don’t work, because we can’t, or we don’t want to. 

According to the media we live off benefits and leech the tax-payers. Sitting around at home all day watching trash TV and spending all our spare cash on fags and acrylic nails. 

There’s a stigma on single mums – still, because society sees us as failures. And now, I’d convinced myself that I was a failure – before I’d even tried to start the job!

But I’m not a failure, I’m the opposite. I’m someone who doesn’t quit when things are hard. Single parents, are not failures. They’re moving mountains, making the best out of a tough situation, and most importantly – loving their kids.

I’ve discovered that I can be a single mum, and work full time. And do both of those things well. We are not what the media tell us we are, we’re what we make ourselves.  

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