You may have had your nose buried deep within a parenting book since before your baby was even born – and they are a valuable source of advice and insight. But, what happens when we throw the guidelines aside every now and then? Life isn’t always straightforward, so can the rules sometimes be bent?
Now listen, I’m no anarchist. I’m a straight-laced, rule-abiding citizen of the utmost standing. I come from a military family who always shows up on time, every time. We read the instructions before we put something together. You better believe that we will wait by the side of an empty, traffic-free street until the little man turns GREEN, thank you very much.
However, I’m learning all the time that this tendency to do everything ‘right’ might not be the 100% positive trait I always thought it was…
Certainly, there’s a place and a need for rules. For health, safety, order, and the avoidance of chaos – rules serve us well.
But there’s a deliciously wonderful and fruitful value in being able to know when the rules can be bent or broken. Just a little bit.
I want to talk about why it’s particularly helpful to learn how to do this when you’re a parent…
Waylaying the Rules Can Decrease Your Stress
Put your hand up if you’ve ever felt the extreme dismay of planning a day out around carefully timed naps and routine snack breaks, only for it all to go to absolute sh*t at the first hurdle…?
“But he’s got to sleep for at least an hour or he won’t sleep tonight!! Every day he usually gets a 2-hour nap but today of all days he only slept 7 minutes! And we’ve got to be there at 2 pm sharp!!!” *queue tears*
Just for today, throw your plan out the f*cking window, sweetie. Trust me. Launch it. Delete. Erase. Forget it.
Try this instead; just worry about enjoying your day. Keep your grumpy baby on your hip and mingle with people, talk laugh. Hand them to someone else when you need a break. Let them nap in the car on the way there, the way home. Let them take a danger-nap on Nan’s shoulder an hour before bedtime if that’s how it happens to play out.
Let the cards fall as they may. Let go.
I’ve been the mum who tries to ‘plan’ and ends up more frazzled than the crumbs in the bottom of the toaster. I’ve also seen mums who take a more relaxed approach, enjoy their life a whole lot more than I seemed to be.
Accept That Babies are Unpredictable, Wild Little Rogues
The fastest way to cause a problem when parenting is to expect your child to do things they are not mentally capable of yet. You get frustrated when they don’t meet your high expectations, they get frustrated when they just can’t do what you’re asking.
So while you may have been laying down rules with good intentions, this could be the reason they’ve been causing more drama.
It’s always good to keep up to date each month on what your kids’ capabilities are, or should be near for their age. A simple google search can do the trick, or if you wanted to go into more depth – a parenting book could give you the relevant expertise.
Sarah Ockwell Smith’s ‘Gentle Discipline‘ parenting book has excellent chapters on this topic and is generally really helpful for understanding your child’s development.
Creativity, Spontaneity and Fun, are a Gift
Try not to forget that childhood only happens once for each of us. It’s as much about making joyful memories now, as it is about setting them up well for the future.
It’s OK to be late for lunch because you lost track of time at the park. Screen time when you seriously need a break is not the end of the world. It’s fine to have a picky picnic dinner on a tablecloth on the living room floor. Especially when you’ve had an off day!
Loosening the reigns on your routine every now and then actually shows your child how to be adaptable. Being able to think outside the box is important too!
If you’ve enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy Am I a Phone-Addicted Parent?
Re-Write the Parenting Book to Suit You
Whenever you read a parenting book, definitely take stock of the advice. I’m sure the author knows what they’re talking about and has many years of expertise behind them.
But, they don’t know your child. They don’t know you, your lifestyle, or your circumstances.
Unless it’s a book for a niche audience, the information can often be quite generalised. Therefore not everything is going to apply to, or even work well for you.
Putting your own little twists, tweaks, and spins on the most valuable nuggets of advice is going to tailor them to you and give you the best results.
Are you a stickler for ‘the rules’? A free-spirited queen of spontaneity? Or somewhere in the middle… Comment below!