Last updated on March 17th, 2021 at 08:02 am
Do you think you might be a phone-addicted Mum or Dad? You’re not alone… Read on to learn more about this pressing issue for modern parents.
Motherhood is riddled with mum-guilt. Whether it’s because you didn’t spend lots of time on messy play this week or because you lost your temper and yelled (it happens), or perhaps you didn’t get outside for a walk as many times as you planned.
One of my main triggers for mum-guilt is how much I use my phone. As a blogger, I spend a lot of time on social media and updating my website. I can justify that those things are ‘work’, but then there’s the rest… Socialising on WhatsApp, aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, doing my food shops online and placing random orders on Amazon… it all adds up.
Economists suggest that there’s a link between the rise in smartphone use and a rise in Children’s injuries and accidents. Terms like “partially attentive” are used by experts to describe the mental state of modern parents. That’s not how I want to be described, ever. But is it what I truthfully am? A partially attentive, phone-addicted mum?
Phone-addicted mum might seem a tad extreme as a label, but over winter and with being in lockdown, I definitely think my screen time has crept up and up. With actual socialising at an all-time low in my life, my phone is one of my main connections to people and the world outside my four walls! I don’t think it’s surprising that I would want to use it more, and I’m sure I’m not alone on that.
So, when it comes down to it, I have to admit I pick up my phone a lot. And I wonder sometimes what my 18-month-old son thinks of that? Considering I make a point of limiting his screen time, it’s pretty hypocritical of me to not limit my own.
The Experiment
What I chose to do, was to set myself a little experiment. A personal challenge of going the whole weekend without using my phone. I allowed myself to check emails when I woke up, and sent a few texts to those who hear from me every day to say ‘Hey, I’m not going to be on my phone…’ etc. etc. Then, the phone got put on charge in the bedroom and I got on with the day – without it. I didn’t check Facebook, didn’t post anything to Instagram. Nothing.
To be honest with you, it didn’t take long at all to start noticing it’s absence. It made me realise all the little moments that I pick up my phone and scroll, while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or while my son eats breakfast. This leads me to my first parenting-related revelation on phone usage…
The Results
Right away I noticed that I was being more present while I ate, and while my son ate. Back when he first started weaning onto solid foods, I used to sit and watch him eat every bite. Terrified of him choking or gagging, because we went down the route of BLW after he refused to eat purées. Soon enough though, he quickly got very adept and confident with feeding himself. First with his hands, and then with spoons and forks – he’s great at it.
So I suppose at some point I just stopped worrying. And I eventually became comfortable enough to concentrate less on watching him eat. But lately – I’ll be honest – I’ve gotten into the habit of streaming something on my phone, propping it up somewhere on the table during dinner. (A habit I think I partly do because of the lack of dinnertime conversation that comes with being a single mum of a toddler, but a habit I certainly don’t like, nonetheless).
With my phone now out of reach, upstairs, I instead just decided to chat to my son. Talking to him about the food, naming things on the plate. Discussing our day. He laughed and babbled back to me but didn’t get too distracted from his food, and overall it was a surprisingly good time to bond.
Bonding was definitely a recurring theme of the weekend. It was amazing just how much it brought us closer together! The simple matter of not being distracted by a screen was revolutionising our interactions. Throughout the two days, we played with his toys together, rather than him playing while I merely supervised.
I felt more in tune with his needs and attended to him quicker, or before he even had to prompt me. I learned new things about him by observing him more intently, without distraction. Now, I was able to notice more of the minute details of things he does.
Benefits beyond parenting
As the day went on I certainly felt more mindful, about everything I was doing. More thought and more time got put into our evening meal. And, when spare moments presented themselves I tidied the house instead of ‘taking a break’ on my phone.
I could add saving money to the list of benefits, as phones often bombard you with advertising! I simply didn’t see the marketing emails (50% off sale, shop now!) that were targeting me that day. So none were clicked, and there was no temptation to spend.
Experts have long been suggesting that taking a break from your phone can be beneficial to mental health, too. After only two days of the experiment, I can see how easily that can be proved. We had fun, we bonded. I felt better, we ate better – the house looked good! By the end, I even felt like he was making more eye contact with me – and all because I ditched that one device.
Phone-Addicted Mum No More…
Now that I’m more conscious of my phone use, and now that I know the benefits of not having it on me 24/7, I’ve changed my habits. I’m more likely to leave it in another room or even not bring it on outings with me if I don’t need to. Setting limits for myself just like I do with my sons screen time, seems like the right and proper thing to do. I would absolutely recommend to anyone else who wonders if they might be a bit of a phone-addicted mum, to try what I did. It will show you for yourself whether your phone use is doing damage to your parenting. Once you know better, you can do better!
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